Chapter Three:Preview of Success
By the end of the evening, despite the exhilaration of winning his award, Ted is worn out. His agent, Emily, prepared well for the event, even assembling adult goody bags that included signed copies of Predictions, a personalized business card, two candy bars embossed with the book’s logo across its width, and a profile sheet featuring a current photo of Ted along with details of his career and his path to writing.
Emily has spent most of the evening at the publisher’s table, leaving Ted and Helen to mingle with his new peers. The limousine that brought Emily and the Arundsons to the event is waiting at the entrance to the venue to take Helen and Ted uptown to the Essex House on Central Park South. Despite her memory issues, Helen appears less tired than her husband who, despite the adulation, feels like he has been on stage constantly fielding questions, and enduring more than enough social patter and praise for his work.
“I’m very proud of you,” says Helen after sliding across the back seat of the Mercedes. Ted enters after her, reaches over to hold his wife’s hand and gives her a kiss. “And I’m also very proud of you, my love,” he answers.
Emily’s seated in the front next to the driver, and is worn out from a long day of planning, posturing, and glad-handing. She has silenced her phone, but watches as the numerous calls and emails pile up on her screen, knowing she will have to deal with them all in the morning.
The three are welcomed at the Essex House by the doormen, and a few others of the hotel staff have also heard the news of Ted’s win at the awards dinner. Emily hurries them as fast as possible to the elevator and then to their rooms. Her own room is next to the suite provided for Ted and Helen, who find after entering the room, turned-down covers, a wrapped chocolate on each of their pillows, soft music playing on the Bose music system, and a few bottles of Dom Pérignon on the coffee table with congratulatory name tags attached.
Helen gazes at it all, and then looks towards her husband and says with tears welling up in her eyes, “I’m so sorry, Ted.”
“What for, my love?”
“For abandoning you on the eve of your success.”
“But you didn’t go anywhere, Helen. You were here the whole time and were wonderful!”
“But I’m leaving. I can feel it, bit by bit, just as you’re finding your rightful place in the world, you... fucking genius!”
Ted laughs and Helen smiles back. “What I’ll miss most, even though I won’t know I’m missing it, will be watching you become what I’ve always known you should be... and to be with you as the dreams you had for yourself...and for me when we were dating... come true, and then later, when you were working so hard to provide for all of us.”
“Right now, I’m not sure when that was,” responds Ted. “I seemed to always have had everything I really needed, especially since I found you.”
“What day is it, Ted?”
“Saturday”
“Is there anything special you’d like for breakfast in the morning?”
“We’re in a hotel, Helen. We can order anything we want.’
“Helen pauses, her brow furrowed. ‘Oh, yes. I lost the thought for a moment.”
Ted smiles gently. ‘It’s okay, love. You’ve always been the one to make sure I eat well.’
Helen chuckles. “Well, someone has to keep you alive.”
For almost a year she’s been on Aducanumab, a drug for those in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Unfortunately it doesn’t bring back memories that have been lost, but, according to her doctor, the drug reduces the loss of more memories. Still, even after her taking the drug, he’s noticed a decline in her awareness when they plan for weekends away, or evenings out with friends.
“In his speculative books, Ted’s imagined technology that could upload memories to the cloud, restoring them at will. Now, as he watches Helen’s memories fade, he wonders if such a miracle could ever come in time—for her, or for him.”
He knows also that he’s not immune to a similar deterioration, and wonders if, when the time comes, he’ll have the courage to terminate his life.
Tonight was a wonderful gift, offering a key that can open many doors he may never have the will or wish now to open.
Ted’s aware enough to know that no one is in charge of the timing of their own success or failure, sickness or death. A few years ago, Helen was a fierce ally and competitor, who could rip him a new one whenever he showed himself to be self-righteous or became too bullheaded for her taste. She’s gentler now, but he misses the other Helen... the one who fired from the hip and took no prisoners. It’s how she raised their kids. She wasn’t gentle and she never begged, and he could admit there were times when he was glad that no neighbor saw her grab their seven-year-old by the hair and drag him to the car to bring groceries into the kitchen.
She was tough, fierce, and unyielding when he needed her most. He misses that fire—the strength that carried their family through storms.It’s only been as he’s gotten older that he can fully appreciate her range, her rage, and her ability to change her disposition to handle an emergency. It’s who she was before him, with him, and part of how she would go on without him, when needed. He was certain that he would be the one to die first, and that she would be the one to be there for their family to relieve the pain of their loss.
Helen takes her shower first while he’s still pondering their future. When she’s finished in the bathroom, she exits in a nightgown that he hasn’t seen before.
“That’s very pretty,” he says, as she strikes a graceful pose for him.
“And would you enjoy some fun with your wife?” she asks, striking a playful pose. “To celebrate properly?”
“Yes, I would, but not tonight. I haven’t taken a pill, and I’m very tired. Do you think we can wait until morning?”
Helen nods, her smile unwavering. “That will be just fine. But don’t forget to remind me—I may not remember, but I won’t let you off the hook.”
Helen gets under the covers on her side of the bed, turns off the light, and gives Ted a kiss on the lips.
“Sweet dreams, darling,” she says softly. “We’ll get through this... together.”
Although he’s worn out, it’s not that easy for Ted to drift off. The events of the evening circle in his head along with his worries for their future. He knows he can’t concentrate enough to read a book, so he resorts to prayer, reciting the only one he knows, the Lord’s Prayer, evaluating each strange concept he recalls from his childhood. The prayer is followed by a plea to a God he doesn’t know, for the strength to handle the journey ahead with as much dignity as possible.
A voice answers him with words that sound like his own, and before long he’s fast asleep, a state that prepares all humans for their departure from Earth to a place without dreams, thoughts, worries, waking up to pee, or grabbing for a phone to learn what’s happened in The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia today.
As sleep overtakes him, Ted whispers a silent prayer—not for himself, but for Helen. For her memories, her strength, and the love that has carried them both through the years. Eternal sleep may come, but tonight, he’s grateful for one more moment with her.
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